Is your baby so powerful that he can chew on the Duchess of Cambridge’s hair? I. DON’T. THINK. SO.
In a world where Boko Haram is kidnapping thousands of women and children and forcing them into sexual slavery and ISIS is recruiting thousands of Americans on social media (job benefits include “office-supplied suicide bombs, eternal martyrdom and 72 virgins, plus a flexible work schedule!”), it is crucial to turn a keen eye to what REALLY matters and ask ourselves:
Who are the most powerful babies in the world?
That’s right — Entertainment Weekly was obviously envious of their sister publication, People, and their investigative pieces digging deep into national matters such as “Who Is the Sexiest Man Alive?” and “Who Are the World’s Most Beautiful People?” and have now thrown their hat into the Pulitzer Prize ring with a list of THE WORLD’S MOST POWERFUL BABIES.
I don’t think I can put it any better than Entertainment Weekly, which eloquently introduces the list by noting:
If the children are our future, these babies will ensure that star power rules long afterthis [SIC] generation literally can’t even anymore.
Without further ado, here are the power babies, along with how they got on the esteemed list, according to inside sources I will protect to my death (don’t even try bribing me, I cannot reveal my — Oh! A fun-sized Twix Bar? Yeah, okay, my cats told me. NOW HAND OVER THE TWIX!).