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Happy National Dog Day!

In celebration of the holiday, here’s an adorable picture of Trump with his lapdog…

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BREAKING: Trump Announces He Will Prove Competence to World Leaders by Delivering Slinkys to Italy Earthquake Victims

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“These things’ll climb right down the piles of rubble!” Trump crowed before quickly returning to his private jet and Tweeting “Hillary’s too tired to pass out metal toys to earthquake victims in Belgium… Italy?…wherever. Sad! #WheresHillary”

Melania Trump Threatens to Sue Multiple News Outlets Over Suggestions She Worked as an Escort

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Somewhere Hillary and her alien baby are scoffing at the thin-skinned Trumps suing every newspaper that writes mean things.

Speedo Drops Ryan Lochte in Midst of Rio Fallout

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Seemed like a match made in heaven to me. After all, their product is all about showcasing dicks.

Just What Every Flood Victim Needs!

TRUMP: I’ve got great news. Bigly. I’m coming to Louisiana for a photo op.

GOVERNOR: Hey, no–!

TRUMP: Play-Doh? You got it!

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