90-Minute Presidential Debate Summed Up in 10 GIFs — Just as Our Founding Fathers Intended

I’d love to cover the debate as it apparently was meant to be addressed; however, Jerry Springer’s stage was not available, so I’ve settled for the second-most absurd manner: GIFs.


1. Hillary passed on shaking Donald’s hand — because now she knows where it’s been.


2. Trump allayed women’s concerns by clarifying all men in “locker rooms” brag about sexually assaulting women. Phew!


3. Trump tried his hand at comedy in the likely event this whole president thing doesn’t work out.


4. And if not comedy, then horror, as you can see from this movie trailer for Tuesday the 8th: Well-Qualified Woman vs. Creepy Pumpkin.


5. Transcript of Trump’s speech about health care policy.


6. Trump dismissed, er… discussed his VP candidate’s differing view on Syria.


7. Trump lived his worst nightmare: getting put in his place by two women and a gay man.



8. Trump answered his own questions.


9. Trump, who’s repeatedly claimed Hillary doesn’t have the “stamina” to be president, declares her best quality is that she never quits or gives up. Huh.


10. Tiffany lets the world know there aren’t enough Tic Tacs in the world…

North Korea Nuclear Test Prompts Dire Warning

South Korea reports North Korea has conducted yet another nuclear test. Officials are warning residents to seek help immediately if skin radiates abnormally like this:


Trump Responds to Backlash Over Tweet About Dwyane Wade’s Cousin

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People saying I exploited the death of Dwyane Wade’s cousin are PATHETIC,” says Trump. “To prove how much I care, I’ll be at the funeral passing out my hats!”

Trump Threatens to Sue Over Hillary’s Latest Speech

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In response to Hillary Clinton’s blistering speech yesterday, Donald Trump made this statement: “I’m gonna sue Crooked Hillary for plagiarizing me! Those racist things she mentioned were lifted directly from MY speeches!”

Happy National Dog Day!

In celebration of the holiday, here’s an adorable picture of Trump with his lapdog…


BREAKING: Trump Announces He Will Prove Competence to World Leaders by Delivering Slinkys to Italy Earthquake Victims


“These things’ll climb right down the piles of rubble!” Trump crowed before quickly returning to his private jet and Tweeting “Hillary’s too tired to pass out metal toys to earthquake victims in Belgium… Italy?…wherever. Sad! #WheresHillary”