The Merchant of Trump Tower
Eric Trump: “Democrats Aren’t Even People”
Jun 7, 2017

Eric Trump, who looks like the kind of guy who’d slip a date rape drug in Kelly Taylor’s punch on 90210, today cried to FOX News that Democrats criticizing his dad are, like, “not even people,” adding that “morality is just gone.”

Because if anybody is the judge of morality, it’s the guy who kills exotic animals for sport and steals money from children with cancer.

Eric Trump: Man o’ Morals

Well, Eric Trump, we Democrats have feelings, too, you know! Feelings that are best expressed through Shakespeare’s Merchant of Trump Tower.

I am a Dem.
Hath not a Dem eyes (with which we see pictures of you killing animals)? Hath not a Dem hands (with which we Tweet about you stealing from kids with cancer), organs (that TrumpCare won’t protect), dimensions, senses, affections, passions; fed with the same food (that your dad is taking away from poor kids), hurt with the same weapons (that your dad lied about selling to the Saudis), subject to the same diseases (that TrumpCare won’t cover), heal’d by the same means (that TrumpCare won’t cover), warm’d and cool’d by the same winter and summer (that’s going to keep getting warm’r because your dad refuses to acknowledge global warming), as an alt-right is?

Very Important Chart
Scientific Analysis of How President Trump Spends His Time
Jun 6, 2017

Very Presidential
President Trump Releases Official Statement on London Terror Attack
Jun 5, 2017

Every. Single. Morning.
Jun 1, 2017

A Few Thoughts on “Covfefe”
May 30, 2017

After you do a line of covfefe:

When you formally introduce covfefe to the world:

That time your wife rejected your covfefe:

News in Pictures
The News in Pictures: The President on Memorial Day
May 29, 2017
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A touching look at Trump driving the 25 yards from the stands to the site of the wreath at Arlington National Cemetery today.

Trump to Spicer: No Pope for You!
May 25, 2017
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Well, the unimaginable has happened: Trump has even managed to make me feel sorry for Sean Spicer.

Poor Spicey. He stands in front of the press day after day, defending Trump’s wackadoodle conspiracy theories and 3AM Tweets and likely illegals acts, and how does Trump repay him? By denying him the chance to meet the pope. 🙁

The White House spokesman is a devout Catholic and has reportedly become upset that he wasn’t included in a meeting with Pope Francis.

“Wow. That’s all he wanted,” a source told CNN. adding it should “very much” be seen as a slight.

They claim the decision to not invite Spicey to the delegation meeting the Holy Father was a result of strict Vatican limits on the number of people who could attend. So Trump “only” invited…

-Melania Trump

-Ivanka Trump

-Jared Kushner

-Secretary of State Rex Tillerson

-National Security Adviser H.R. McMaster

-Former bodyguard Keith Schiller

-Social media adviser Dan Scavino

-Communications adviser Hope Hicks

-White House shoe shiner Joe Williams

-Some guy they found selling “Pray with Me Bro” shirts outside the Vatican

Ouch. Tough luck, Spicey. But only TRULY holy people get to meet with the pope.


Very Presidential
President Trump Delights Fellow NATO Leaders with His Usual Charm and Grace
May 25, 2017

During a meeting with fellow NATO leaders in Brussels on Thursday, President Donald Trump made sure he was front and center for photographers by pushing aside Prime Minister Milo Dukanovic of Montenegro. Thanks to lip-reading skills that I acquired when I lived in a New York apartment next to a hot-dog cart storage garage that doubled as a nightclub so I couldn’t hear my guests, TV or own thoughts, I happen to know exactly what was said during this cringe-worthy moment! Check it out:

Trump had already charmed everyone by previously describing the Belgian capital, the site of the meeting, as a “hellhole.” He’s also repeatedly described NATO as “obsolete” — but not as obsolete as, say, the Trump Taj Mahal (RIP) or Rudy Giuliani — and delivered a speech at this meeting trashing NATO countries for failing to meet their “financial obligations”—which, as you can see, was a big hit with our European allies:

“Is the guy who’s notorious for stiffing contractors, not paying taxes and defrauding thousands of Trump University students seriously lecturing us on not meeting ‘financial obligations’?!”

Oh yes, yes, he is.