6 Signs President Obama Clearly Hates America

Okay, we all know we’ve been thinking it — but it’s taken a brave man, a man who had the courage to stand before 60 conservatives inhaling glazed salmon and declare:

“I do not believe, and I know this is a horrible thing to say, but I do not believe that the president loves America. He doesn’t love you. And he doesn’t love me. He wasn’t brought up the way you were brought up and I was brought up through love of this country.”

That man…? That soldier of truth…? None other than former NYC mayor and Democrat-turned Independent-turned moderate Republican-turned publicity-seeking wackadoodle Rudy Giuliani.

Giuliani speaks at a private group dinner featuring Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker

Giuliani speaks at a private group dinner featuring Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker

I, for one, would like to thank The Giuls for saying what has been on all of our minds. In fact, right off the top of my head, I can come up with six signs Obama clearly hates America:


6. Obama has made no secret of his love for basketball, when everyone knows baseball is the Cuban all-American sport. TRAITOR!


5. Obama supports his wife’s “Let’s Move!” campaign encouraging exercise and better nutrition among kids when most of America HATES exercise and better nutrition. TRAITOR SQUARED!


4. See? He enjoys making babies cry. Sicko.


3. Real Americans — people who love America — like their mustard with a little hot dog. Is there mustard oozing from that hot dog, sir? I. DON’T. THINK. SO.


2. Obama raids moms’ closets when he needs a pair of jeans. Only a man who hates American would STEAL FROM MOMS.


1. Um. Dude? Your flag pin is slightly askew. As Giuliani and the rest of the conservatives can attest, true Americans only get behind things that are STRAIGHT. Anything else is wrong and immoral and a threat to the traditional institution of marriage that Giuliani loves SO much, he’s done it three times!


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Candy Kirby is a "smug white liberal," according to a conservative blog that gets her, and comedy writer who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. Prior to launching her own site, Candy was a humor writer for outlets such as Reductress, Redbook, HelloGiggles, Disney and Nickelodeon. She also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two munchkins and three rescue Persian cats, Lucy, Larry and Lola, who are the real brains behind this operation. (So send all complaints to them.)