I think Trump and Putin can officially change their Facebook statuses to “In a relationship.”
“My, what big arms you have…”
It’s the stuff that romantic comedies are made of. Boy becomes infatuated with brutal leader of hostile foreign government. Boy has dimwitted son meet with brutal leader’s people to chat about the weather and collusion. Boy encourages brutal leader to hack opponent and undermine our democracy. Boy meets brutal leader and feels up his triceps. Boy meets with brutal leader again in secret. Boy makes brutal leader’s wishes come true by ending the CIA’s covert program to arm and train moderate Syrian rebels battling the government of Bashar al-Assad, a move long sought by Russia and called a “win” for Putin by current officials.
Of course, this move, which seemingly undermines American security, raises even more questions about what was discussed in the second Trump-Putin private meeting at the G20. Perhaps Putin was showing Trump this?
RELATED: A Beautiful LOVE ACTUALLY Remake Starring Trump and Putin
Oh no, you di-in’t, Delta.
In what was CLEARLY a cold and calculated attack on one of our country’s dearest and most kind-hearted pundits, Delta Airlines had the audacity to move Ann Coulter from an aisle seat to a — wait for it… wait for it… — WINDOW SEAT.
HORRIBLE. How can any passenger be expected to live this way, gazing upon the clouds in the very same row that she’d wanted? Thankfully, Ms. Coulter handled the injustice with her usual grace and sensitivity.
How brave! How honest! Donald Trump, Jr. writes:
“To everyone, in order to be totally transparent, I am releasing the selfie taken at the June 9 meeting. I first wanted to just deny everything and turn it on the fake news media because we Trumps are entitled sons-of-bitches who don’t know how to take responsibility for anything, but when that didn’t work out, I thought I’d release evidence of our collusion with Russia, piece by piece, upon being told the fake media was about to publish it. COMPLETE TRANSPARENCY.”
#1 – DENIAL.
“It’s a total lie, never happened, fake news!”
#2 – DESPERATE CULINARY REFERENCES.
“So what if it happened? It’s not a big deal! A Nothing Burger!”
#3 – BARGAINING.
“Okay, it might be a big deal, but it isn’t illegal! So who cares.”
#4 – DEFLECTION.
“Okay, it’s illegal, but Crooked Hillary and Obummer did ‘whatever, whatever,’ so it doesn’t matter.”
#5 – MATURE ACCEPTANCE.
“Get over it, Libtard, you’re just a sore loser!”
Eric Trump, who looks like the kind of guy who’d slip a date rape drug in Kelly Taylor’s punch on 90210, today cried to FOX News that Democrats criticizing his dad are, like, “not even people,” adding that “morality is just gone.”
Because if anybody is the judge of morality, it’s the guy who kills exotic animals for sport and steals money from children with cancer.
Eric Trump: Man o’ Morals
Well, Eric Trump, we Democrats have feelings, too, you know! Feelings that are best expressed through Shakespeare’s Merchant of Trump Tower.
I am a Dem.
Hath not a Dem eyes (with which we see pictures of you killing animals)? Hath not a Dem hands (with which we Tweet about you stealing from kids with cancer), organs (that TrumpCare won’t protect), dimensions, senses, affections, passions; fed with the same food (that your dad is taking away from poor kids), hurt with the same weapons (that your dad lied about selling to the Saudis), subject to the same diseases (that TrumpCare won’t cover), heal’d by the same means (that TrumpCare won’t cover), warm’d and cool’d by the same winter and summer (that’s going to keep getting warm’r because your dad refuses to acknowledge global warming), as an alt-right is?
After you do a line of covfefe:
When you formally introduce covfefe to the world:
That time your wife rejected your covfefe:
A touching look at Trump driving the 25 yards from the stands to the site of the wreath at Arlington National Cemetery today.
Well, the unimaginable has happened: Trump has even managed to make me feel sorry for Sean Spicer.
Poor Spicey. He stands in front of the press day after day, defending Trump’s wackadoodle conspiracy theories and 3AM Tweets and likely illegals acts, and how does Trump repay him? By denying him the chance to meet the pope. 🙁
The White House spokesman is a devout Catholic and has reportedly become upset that he wasn’t included in a meeting with Pope Francis.
“Wow. That’s all he wanted,” a source told CNN. adding it should “very much” be seen as a slight.
They claim the decision to not invite Spicey to the delegation meeting the Holy Father was a result of strict Vatican limits on the number of people who could attend. So Trump “only” invited…
-Secretary of State Rex Tillerson
-National Security Adviser H.R. McMaster
-Former bodyguard Keith Schiller
-Social media adviser Dan Scavino
-Communications adviser Hope Hicks
-White House shoe shiner Joe Williams
-Some guy they found selling “Pray with Me Bro” shirts outside the Vatican
Ouch. Tough luck, Spicey. But only TRULY holy people get to meet with the pope.