Finally! President Donald Trump Puts Australia In Its Place

Today’s op-ed from my guest columnist, The Patriot Lady…

In a world where an Afghan woman’s ears are cut off by her husband and Syrian toddlers are washed ashore, we all know where we need to direct our ire:

AUSTRALIA.

So I tip my felt bucket hat to President Donald J. Trump, who bravely berated the Australian prime minister on a call yesterday, when past presidents were too wimpy to kangaroo-kick our longtime ally for no good reason. It takes a real man, a true patriot like President Trump, to try to weasel out of an agreement to accept 1250 refugees fleeing terror, beat his chest about the size of his electoral college victory (as sizable as his hands!), then hang up faster than Prime Minister Turnbull can say “Maybe the dingo ate your baby.”

Let’s be honest: Australia has a long history of trying to stick us with dangerous exports. Shrimp on the barbie, for example. Kath & Kim. This guy…

Not to mention their actors are always stealing our Hollywood jobs. Step off, Blanchett and Jackman! Somewhere in New Jersey, that third Jonas Brother is wondering why a Hemsworth is getting the roles that should be his. Is this really how we want to treat the third Jonas Brother, America? Okay, sure, Australians are abnormally attractive, fun and talented, but under Trump, we will stand for it no more!

 

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The Patriot Lady

The Patriot Lady is a true American who is proud to live in the #1 country in the world and have her work featured in the comments section under Barack Obama's Tweets with thoughtful replies such as "LOOSER!" When Candy is not writing about Making America Great Again, she enjoys watching news shows that tell her what she wants to hear, long walks on the fracked beach and concocting delicious libations out of liberal snowflake tears. Yum! Recipe to come.