Girl Scouts to March in Inaugural Parade — See Their Commemorative Cookies!

The Girl Scouts of America, who have announced their plans to march in the inaugural parade, have come under fire from those delicate liberals who believe silly things like, oh, that a president-elect who’s bragged about grabbing women’s genitals, was sued for raping a 13-year-old girl, judges women’s looks on a scale of 1-10 and has told a 10-year-old girl he’d like to date her one day, may not be the best guy to support. Such snowflakes! But I say good for the heads of the organization for marching on with their plans, so to speak. Perhaps as the young girls pass the president-elect, he will point out a lucky few who are attractive enough to be considered future date material! An honor, indeed.

Also in the spirit of our 45th president, the Girl Scouts should milk this opportunity to make some cash-money! My suggested inauguration-inspired Girl Scout cookies:


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Candy Kirby is a "smug white liberal," according to a conservative blog that gets her, and comedy writer who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. Prior to launching her own site, Candy was a humor writer for outlets such as Reductress, Redbook, HelloGiggles, Disney and Nickelodeon. She also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two munchkins and three rescue Persian cats, Lucy, Larry and Lola, who are the real brains behind this operation. (So send all complaints to them.)