I think Trump and Putin can officially change their Facebook statuses to “In a relationship.”
“My, what big arms you have…”
It’s the stuff that romantic comedies are made of. Boy becomes infatuated with brutal leader of hostile foreign government. Boy has dimwitted son meet with brutal leader’s people to chat about the weather and collusion. Boy encourages brutal leader to hack opponent and undermine our democracy. Boy meets brutal leader and feels up his triceps. Boy meets with brutal leader again in secret. Boy makes brutal leader’s wishes come true by ending the CIA’s covert program to arm and train moderate Syrian rebels battling the government of Bashar al-Assad, a move long sought by Russia and called a “win” for Putin by current officials.
Of course, this move, which seemingly undermines American security, raises even more questions about what was discussed in the second Trump-Putin private meeting at the G20. Perhaps Putin was showing Trump this?
“To everyone, in order to be totally transparent, I am releasing the selfie taken at the June 9 meeting. I first wanted to just deny everything and turn it on the fake news media because we Trumps are entitled sons-of-bitches who don’t know how to take responsibility for anything, but when that didn’t work out, I thought I’d release evidence of our collusion with Russia, piece by piece, upon being told the fake media was about to publish it. COMPLETE TRANSPARENCY.”
Well, the unimaginable has happened: Trump has even managed to make me feel sorry for Sean Spicer.
Poor Spicey. He stands in front of the press day after day, defending Trump’s wackadoodle conspiracy theories and 3AM Tweets and likely illegals acts, and how does Trump repay him? By denying him the chance to meet the pope. 🙁
The White House spokesman is a devout Catholic and has reportedly become upset that he wasn’t included in a meeting with Pope Francis.
“Wow. That’s all he wanted,” a source told CNN. adding it should “very much” be seen as a slight.
They claim the decision to not invite Spicey to the delegation meeting the Holy Father was a result of strict Vatican limits on the number of people who could attend. So Trump “only” invited…
-Secretary of State Rex Tillerson
-National Security Adviser H.R. McMaster
-Former bodyguard Keith Schiller
-Social media adviser Dan Scavino
-Communications adviser Hope Hicks
-White House shoe shiner Joe Williams
-Some guy they found selling “Pray with Me Bro” shirts outside the Vatican
Ouch. Tough luck, Spicey. But only TRULY holy people get to meet with the pope.
During a meeting with fellow NATO leaders in Brussels on Thursday, President Donald Trump made sure he was front and center for photographers by pushing aside Prime Minister Milo Dukanovic of Montenegro. Thanks to lip-reading skills that I acquired when I lived in a New York apartment next to a hot-dog cart storage garage that doubled as a nightclub so I couldn’t hear my guests, TV or own thoughts, I happen to know exactly what was said during this cringe-worthy moment! Check it out:
Trump had already charmed everyone by previously describing the Belgian capital, the site of the meeting, as a “hellhole.” He’s also repeatedly described NATO as “obsolete” — but not as obsolete as, say, the Trump Taj Mahal (RIP) or Rudy Giuliani — and delivered a speech at this meeting trashing NATO countries for failing to meet their “financial obligations”—which, as you can see, was a big hit with our European allies:
“Is the guy who’s notorious for stiffing contractors, not paying taxes and defrauding thousands of Trump University students seriously lecturing us on not meeting ‘financial obligations’?!”
President Trump visited Jerusalem’s Western Wall today, placing his hand on Judaism’s holiest prayer site and posting a note into the wall, as many worshippers do with prayers and supplications. Here’s a look at what our holy, oh-so-religious president wrote:
Ivanka and Melania Trump were relegated to visiting the smaller “women’s section” of the wall, which onlookers noted was more size-appropriate for Donald’s hands. As it just so happens, we saw what Melania and Ivanka wrote in their notes, too.
When Trump isn’t calling on Rudy Giuliani to do his best Pokémon Golbat impression for his grandchildren and weekend Mar-a-Lago events…
… he has him doing his other dirty work, such as drafting memos to make his Muslim ban appear legal and spewing hateful nonsense on news shows to make Trump look like slightly less of a wackadoodle in comparison. Giuls told Fox News in January:
“So when [Trump] first announced it, he said, ‘Muslim ban.’ He called me up. He said, ‘Put a commission together. Show me the right way to do it legally.’ “
Well, this caught the attention of a federal judge in Michigan, who this week ordered the Trump administration to turn over communications from Giuls and other advisers on Trump’s not-a-Muslim-ban-Muslim-ban. Those suing over the matter hope the documents will bolster their bid to prove the ban was motivated by animus toward Muslims.
As it just so happens, I have a peek at the memo advising Trump on how to draft the executive order: