Things That Make You Go “Hmmm”: Jason Chaffetz Announces He May Bolt Congress Early

U.S. Representative and lovechild of Colin Hanks and Chuck E. Cheese, Jason Chaffetz, had no sooner announced that he wasn’t running for re-election in 2018, when he declared he may not even finish out his current term in Congress.

“I will continue to weigh the options, but I may depart early,” Chaffetz, who chairs the House’s powerful oversight committee, reportedly told Utah’s KSL Newsradio host Doug Wright. “The state needs to figure out how this works.”


Which begs the question: What is Chaffetz running from? Blackmail by Russia? Extramarital affair? Paul Ryan incessantly inviting him to “check out his gun show?” To be continued…


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Candy Kirby is a "smug white liberal," according to a conservative blog that gets her, and comedy writer who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. Prior to launching her own site, Candy was a humor writer for outlets such as Reductress, Redbook, HelloGiggles, Disney and Nickelodeon. She also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two munchkins and three rescue Persian cats, Lucy, Larry and Lola, who are the real brains behind this operation. (So send all complaints to them.)