Tucker Carlson’s Brother Calls de Blasio Spokeswoman A “LabiaFace” Among Other Sweet...

Tucker Carlson’s Brother Calls de Blasio Spokeswoman A “LabiaFace” Among Other Sweet Nothings

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Tucker Carlson and brother Buckley: We mean “LabiaFace” in the “nicest way.” Awwww.

Consider this a public service announcement warning against the dangers of naming your sons “Tucker” and “Buckley.”

Thanks to Daily Caller founder and bow tie devotee Tucker Carlson’s brother, Buckley, accidentally hitting “REPLY ALL” (d’oh!) in response to an e-mail from New York City mayor Bill de Blasio’s spokeswoman, we have learned that:

1) We women need to be especially careful not to use a “whiny and annoying” tone because, according to Tucker, “outside of New York City, adults generally write polite, cheerful emails to one another”;

2) Apparently, “polite, cheerful emails” include calling women a “self-righteous bitch, “LabiaFace” and so frigid that she has never had a “pearl necklace” (and, no, we’re not talking about the kind that June Cleaver clutched); and

3) “LabiaFace” is exponentially less offensive than being called a “Buckley Carlson.”

What did de Blasio’s spokesperson, Amy Spitalnick, do to deserve such vulgarities flung her way? According to BuzzFeed, she had reached out to Daily Caller writer Peter Fricke to ask for a correction on a story — because, after all, that’s her job — claiming the mayor had said the president’s $80 billion transportation proposal was not enough. After a back and forth between Spitalnick and Daily Caller staff (which can be read in its full, unedited glory at BuzzFeed), an editor told Spitalnick that if she “annoyed” him “with another whiny email before then, I’m muting this thread, thanks,” prompting Spitalnick to contact Tucker Carlson directly. Behold Tucker’s not-at-all-condescending (*ahem*) response to Spitalnick:

Dear Amy,

Thanks for your email. You believe our story was inaccurate and have demanded a correction. Totally fair. We are going over the transcript now.

What Bedford complained about was your tone, which, I have to agree, was whiny and annoying, and I say that in the spirit of helpful correction rather than as a criticism. Outside of New York City, adults generally write polite, cheerful emails to one another, even when asking for corrections. Something to keep in mind the next time you communicate with people who don’t live on your island.

Best,

Tucker Carlson

Because, you know, New Yorkers.

To which the oh-so-genteel Buckley Carlson inadvertently reply-alled:

From: Buckley Carlson
Sent: Wednesday, March 25, 2015 3:18 PM
To: Tucker Carlson; Spitalnick, Amy (OMB)
Subject: Re: Correction Needed

Great response. Whiny little self-righteous bitch. “Appalling?”
And with such an ironic name, too…Spitalnick? Ironic because you just know she has extreme dick-fright; no chance has this girl ever had a pearl necklace. Spoogeneck? I don’t think so. More like LabiaFace.

Buckley Carlson
XXX-XXX-XXXX

Yes, you read that correctly: SPOOGENECK. Somewhere, a crowd of seventh-grade boys are raising their fists in solidarity.

Perhaps the best part of this whole exchange is Tucker’s nonchalant response to the kerfuffle, telling BuzzFeed News: “I just talked to my brother about his response, and he assures me he meant it in the nicest way.”

Remember that, ladies. Whenever a man calls you a “self-righteous bitch” and a “LabiaFace,” be sure to clarify whether he means it in the insulting way or the “nicest” way. Regardless, he is a sexist bully — and we mean that in the “sincerest” way.

Photo credit: Gawker

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Candy Kirby is a humorist who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. Prior to launching her own site, Candy was a humor writer for outlets such as Redbook, HelloGiggles, Disney and Nickelodeon. She also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two munchkins and three rescue Persian cats, Lucy, Larry and Lola, who are the real brains behind this operation. (So send all complaints to them.)

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